More thoughts, Mark & Crissi's Clinic

In the afternoon of the second day, Mark and the rider took a break because of the grueling heat and humidity. It was decided that we would start 2 hours earlier the next day, at 6:00 instead of 8:00am to try and beat the heat some. The second day was the worst, as there was no breeze at all, and no cloud cover. Mark had to work hard with the little Icelandic to get him ground driving, then again with Apollo to soften his backing. After lunch he worked with a 4yo and ended up on a longe line in the parking lot, following him while he worked things out and then he had to work with another horse on softening, and he had a lot of resistance to meet, so that his hands were shaking. It seemed a difficult day for everybody.

The next day he told us that was the hardest clinic he'd EVER done. He was worn out and in bed by 6:00pm. We were very happy that he didn't have to work as hard the last day, in fact, he was provided a fan and a canopy to sit in front of/under! We have to take care of our teachers!

Some things I want to remember from the clinic was to make sure you get a change before stopping. A horse may struggle 9 minutes and have a breakthrough at 10, but if you intervene at 9 minutes and don't let the change happen, then next time the start where they ended last time, and you may be gettin a 19 minute struggle. Just wait them out, they will try all they know before trying something new.

You get what you settle for! This is a life lesson for me. We are having a difficult time with our 13 yo daughter and keep wondering why?! We raised four boys and never had this type of behavior or problems. The girls talk back, threaten us, call us names, tell us they hate us and basically blame everything on everyone else. The boys wouldn't have dared try any of that, and we've been trying to puzzle out why. But its simple, we would not allow it, we didn't settle for that behavior. With the girls, we have. We were very firm with the boys about what they could and couldn't do and they respected that. I guess maybe we wanted to be a little less firm with the girls, trying to be "better, more understanding" parents. I had to deal with issues I've never confronted before and was not sure how to handle. We seemed to be doing okay until this move. Now the wheels are coming off. Another parent said her previously sweet, perfect 16yo had started going out to party, drinking and smoking pot, devastating her. The councilers told her she had to accept that behavior because the daughter was going to do it anyway. That doesn't seem correct to me, is that what you settle for? I've been following a program to change behavior and they advocate not engaging in arguing, state expectations and walk away. Later you can discuss issues calmly and work out a solution/consequence. The child is not allowed to blame anyone for their bad behavior and must not only say they were sorry, but were WRONG to act they way they did. A lot of times they just don't have the correct tools to deal with the situation, so they act out and we have to be clear in what we want and show them what we expect. Sounds a little like horse training, right?!

When I was riding and as I watched others work with their horses, I notice Mark saying quite often, "Right now I'd be saying ---------- to the horse." I wasn't quite sure if he was talking about using a feel or cue to "say" it to the horse, or if he was actually "talking" to the horse in his head! So I asked him as I was riding, "Is that something you actually SAY to the horse" and he said "Yes, but in my head, not out loud." Big relief, I'm not the only one who holds conversations in my mind with my horse!

Whoever controls space, energy and time, controls the situation. In teaching Apollo to line up to the mounting block, I had to be aware of all of these things. My problem before was he was controlling the space, by circling all around, the energy by not settling down and the time by deciding when he was going to stop long enough for me to hop on! Once I got control of the space, having him walk straight to the block, the time in immediately getting him siding over to it and the energy, calm and settled, everything became easy. Someone had to be the adult Mark said, and Apollo couldn't do that, so I had to step up and did. This also goes back to the girls, if I walk away instead of engaging, keep calm and decide when to discuss the issues, I've gained control of the space, energy and time. When they keep an argument going and keep you there trying to defend yourself, the wrong person is in charge. I felt like I was defending myself against Apollo's pushing and circling, etc. so the same rules apply.

I so enjoyed my time with Crissi! Every day we took what we started with Mark and improved on it and advanced to a new place to start the next day. She really, really liked Apollo and she is able to rely information so it was easy for me to understand and implement while riding. At one point, she was working with me on leading again, and I was holding her horse. I saw her thought start to come forward and before she had fully lifted her foot, I shook the lead rope a bit and she stepped back. Crissi thanked me for doing that and said most people wouldn't have, but I have to make this an automatic part of my horsemanship and awareness if I'm to be consistant with all the horses I handle. Another time, we were working with Apollo on softening on stopping before moving forward again. We stopped, he softened, but he didn't feel settled or totally "stopped" to me, so even though Crissi said go, I waited a second more, and sure enough, he pushed right down on the reins. She told me she was glad I waited, and we ended up waiting out a bit of head gymnastics before proceeding. I've been unsure of how much "feel" I have when riding, etc. but by following my gut and being present, I discovered I do have a good amount of feel and if I trust it, good things happen! This has helped my confidence so much, and gives me hope that I may be a real horseperson someday!I have only had Apollo for seven weeks and feel so blessed to have been able to take him to Mark's clinic relatively early in our relationship and without much history between us. I'm so glad we've mostly been having fun, running around on the trails and fooling around in the arena, with just a few formal lessons at this point. I think it will make it easier for him to switch gears and figure out what his job is now. We all agree he was good at his job and knew it well, so now we're asking something totally different from him. Instead of hopping on and racing around, I need him to line up to the block, stand quietly and wait until I cue him to move. He catches on easily though, and I think utlimately this way of life will be more suited to his personality and physical strengths. I also need him to come off the bit for balance and to soften into it instead of pushing on it. This also seems easier for him. Its more the mental, emotional stuff that he's struggling with as far as I can tell, but being the sweet, willing guy he is, I hope we can make great progress together.