Acceptance

A couple of on-line groups I'm a member of have been discussing acceptance. One is a horse-related group and one is a Law of Attraction group. I am continually amazed at the extent these two seemingly unrelated groups end up discussing the same topics and struggling or triumphing with some of the concepts integral to succeeding in either area. That is the reason I so love Mark Rashid, he was the first I ever heard talk about horsemanship as an extension of how you live your life and that actually practises it extensively, always bringing something new to the table to share with others. I'm sure a few other clinicians discuss this, Harry Whitney comes to mind, but Mark's stuff is what I've had most accessible to study.

Acceptance has been a tough one for me, accepting things as they are and then letting go is really the only way to make progress. For someone who likes to know who, what , where , when and how something is going to happen, this is difficult! Especially if you are really attached to the outcome. One of the biggest examples I've had was buying the land in Pittston. We had been wanting to move for a few years, I wanted to stay in Vassalboro. Many properties came up for sale, but none were quite right. Meanwhile, I was so unhappy with what I had here, always looking at other set ups and feeling many "if onlys". If only we had more land, if only our land was flat, etc, etc. Then I read a few things about barefoot trimming and how traveling over rocks, up hills, over logs and through wet areas helped the hooves. We had those features right here. Finally after the annual Memorial Day parade that we rode our horses in for the first time, a very respected horseman struck up a conversation with me and when he realized where I lived he said he'd been tempted to stop in and ask why we hadn't fenced in the rest of the land to give the horses access to the stream and woods. So for my 45th birthday, I asked for fencing and we fenced in the rest of our "unusable" land, a wooded hillside littered with rocks, stumps, logs and a gully with a stream. It was the best decision I've made, the horses have thrived. About two weeks after putting up the fence and being so thrilled with the results, thinking that it was okay if we ended up staying here, I was finally happy with what I had, the chance to buy the land materialized! Once I accepted the reality of where I was and stopped resisting that reality, new opportunity appeared. Then the whole story of how we decided to buy the land started, and that was quite an example of many "coincidences" guiding our decisions!

In my horsemanship, accepting the fact that its a journey not a destination and that the horses always try their best to get along has made it so much more enjoyable and less stressful. Letting go of the thought that they should do as I ask just because I ask was a big one. Now I accept that they are trying and something is making it difficult for them. Maybe its me, something I haven't noticed in the environment, the way they feel that day. I've learned so many things by stepping back after a couple of asks and assessing whats going on. It amazes me at the things I've been made aware of by listening to the horses. The latest example is River's experience with the farrier. Next time a horse constantly pulls feet away after behaving for previous trims, I will investigate further. Acceptance in riding is helping me improve so much. Instead of resisting a pull I try to go with it, then redirect it. When wanting to slow down, taking that forward energy and practising circles, all with an accepting attitude instead of an adversarial attitude. Doing the same move with different attitudes is so powerful.

In parenting, I still struggle with acceptance. I find its easier to let the horses be themselves than it is for me to let my children be themselves. Some people improve their horsemanship through parenting, but I have improved my parenting through my horsemanship. I'm learning to let go of taking everything personally and trying to see that most things are about them, not me. Growing up in the role of taking care of my siblings, feeling that I needed to protect them, has resulted in feeling that I'm somehow responsible for my children's problems and failures. Two of them are very good at reinforcing that feeling! I'm finally learning to let go and not accept the responsibility for everything they do or feel. Now I'm just trying to encourage and support instead of control and get entangled in power struggles. The attitude of do it because I said so and not looking at why they may not do as I ask has been much harder to let go of in my parenting.

I am learning acceptance in Aikido also. Accepting the energy of an attacker and redirecting it. Accepting the fact that I will do things incorrectly and that's ok. Accepting that Sensai will step in and correct what needs correcting, that I don't have to constantly be looking to him for approval. Letting go of the need to keep asking "Am I doing this right?" I'm finding it easier with Aikido to just go and have fun, enjoy each new thing I learn and not worry about doing everything perfectly right away. It gets easier each week, even as the moves get harder. A big part of it I believe, is the acceptance I feel from the others in the class. Everyone helps everyone else, there's no competition, each just striving to better themselves, each at a different level. When someone does well, everyone acknowledges it, good job is commonly heard. It feels like a Mark Rashid clinic, lol!